unwell

it's amazing how sad it is when your baby is sick. they can't tell you what's wrong. you often don't know what to do for their illness or how to comfort them. there's this prevailing sense that they're just *unwell*.

that's been the story of our lives this past week & a half. garrett started in on a virus last tuesday...brian picked it up by thursday...they both got over that & were coughing & snotty by monday. they're *still* coughing & snotty on friday.

fortunately, i managed to avoid it. but garrett's been overly fussy & clingy. in ways that - through caring for him & for brian, even, last week - have pushed me to my outer limits. i just don't know what to do sometimes. i feel incompetent & frustrated. not so much w/ garrett as w/ myself for not knowing what to do to make it all better.

i try to remember...i'm still new @ *this*. i've tried to equate my feelings of inadequacy to the ones i felt early on in my career...that i no longer felt after 10 years of being a professional...but that now, as a parent, i'm starting over. this is a new phase in my life. so these feelings are natural, right? thank goodness for several sweet friends who in the last week have helped me step back, try not to take it so seriously, stop being so hard on myself & offered their own life experiences as moms & human beings to help me through. susan s, KJ, stephanie & lee...you rock my world, thank you for listening & encouraging.

this photo was an attempt @ humoring myself one afternoon. after garrett's bath, i toweled off his hair vigorously to see if it would stand up. it did! :-)